Frustrated with myself

I now totally understand why kids misbehave to attract attention. And I'm just so frustrated with myself for having thoughts like that! It's so stupid.

I also cannot stand myself because of something else. I just feel so lousy and useless when it comes to YA. Even after 2 years, I still feel that I have not learnt anything, nor made any improvements, and worse, made any impact on YA. I would love to blame it on work and thus the lack of time, but I cannot escape the fact that it is just me. The lack of 'burden' for this ministry, my laziness, my forgetfulness, and most importantly, my relationship with God. I do believe that He can make use of us when we think we are not, but I seriously do not see it happening to me. 

Then again, it may be because I have been too self-centered.